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I once threw a stack of post-it notes on a shelf next to my bathroom wall and put up a note telling people to write nice things about each other. Now the wall is covered with people mostly saying nice things about me, which is very good for not feeling like a total piece of shit and less good for the future of the wall.
In fact, most of the bathroom is covered with post-it notes. There are post-it notes on the mirror. There is a post-it note warning people to wash their hands before handling the sharpie that they use for post-it notes.
Nobody will put a post-it note on top of someone else’s post-it note. People are less likely to write post-it notes if they are confused about where to put them. So what do you do? Take them down? Take a few off at a time and put them in a little notebook? Holes in the wall will look conspicuous. Shifting things around will go noticed by the regulars. There are options and none of them feel great, and ultimately you’re too confused to know what to do with any of it. And all the while, you recognize that each one of them represents a positive moment in someone’s life, which you are deeply grateful & humbled to have ever played a small role in.
People have come to photograph the post-it wall while using the bathroom because 1) it’s there, 2) it’s visually interesting, and 2) it serves as a fairly energetically clean emblem of what the space is, especially for newcomers. When you encounter dozens of people professing their love for each other & me, that’s a sign that you’ve ended up in a good place, one where you can feel safe & happy & yourself. We exist in a world where there aren’t very many of those anymore.
Events at my home are also now walking that fine line between popularity & exclusivity, which is to say that it is structurally discerning. Above the entrance to the living room, there is a large banner that reads “ALL Y’ALL ARE WELCOME BUT YOU GOTTA ACT RIGHT”, which is correct. There is also the matter of the current energy outside of the space, and we tightened the container a bit in response to all of that, which was also a very correct thing to do. Those who come in frequently have begun self-regulating the community, both operationally (they know when & how to help) and structurally (they know who to let in and why, and what behaviors to encourage and why). Our biggest party of the year was smaller than last year’s by design. Yes yes yes, know your neighbors, link & build on the ground and all, but at a certain point of scale the question becomes who to link & build with. And we have a very clear sense of that right now, and we know how to move.
The post-its are therefore a sign of community health. What if we had left the post-it notepad out there and nobody used it? What if people came in, but nobody ever came back? What would change?