A bad calculator that calls people
When I need to quit life, I have the phone. The phone does two things: it places & receives phone calls, and it sends & receives text messages. It does not email, use iMessage, take pictures, store music, play music, install apps, play games, hail rides, track trains. There is no calendar. There is no calculator, even though the phone itself looks like one. There is a rudimentary address book. It might have Bluetooth, but I’ve never tried getting it to work.
The phone’s battery lasts for two months of frequent usage.
The phone does not use my normal carrier, which is on CDMA bands. My phone uses GSM bands. These are acronyms that you don’t need to care about, but which the phone deeply cares about. So I have a $10/year subscription to a GSM carrier, with a pay-as-you-go plan for each text message and minute of talk time.
The phone forces you, gently and firmly, into a space of silence, stillness, and patience. The phone displays the time, but it doesn’t care about time, not the way that your other phone does. The phone will cause you to miss the train, to wait 20 minutes for the next one, to have to text people to help you repair your bike, to miss your next appointment. The phone rejects civilization while still tethering you to the hive mind with a single silken thread.