Chaos
In the absence of justice, in the absence of a team you’re rooting for, there is only chaos. There is the chaos of an underdog ruining everything, the chaos of a bad referee doubling down on their incorrect decisions, and the chaos of people lighting road flares in a massive crowd.
I have practiced whispering “chaos” at a screen lately. I whispered “chaos” when Morocco scored, I whispered “chaos” when Croatia won on penalties, and I whispered “chaos” when they filmed Ronaldo crying in slow motion. The only thing you want is for the thing to not be boring. You want it to be filmed well. You want to feel something. This is not always guaranteed.
I suppose I am notionally supposed to root for Italy. I’m Italian. The team is good. They won the European competition two years ago. They won in 2006, spuriously. But Italy didn’t make the tournament in 2018, and they didn’t make the tournament in 2022, either.
They are also a bad team to root for. They do not play in a way that I like to see the sport played. They dive when they shouldn’t; they whine too much; they are too old-school, too inelegant. I suppose I could be handed a bad team to root for and curse the fates for saddling me with such a burden, but I’m already full up and cannot be bothered.
And so, in one sense, I am rooting for chaos; and in another, more accurate sense, I am rooting for France. I am rooting for France because I was lucky enough to be on the Champs-Elysées on July 12, 1998, when they won the whole stupid thing for the first time in my life. I am rooting for France because my grade school was run by a Québecois guy who made me take French classes for 9 years. I am rooting for France because I am spending the winter there, and I am spending the winter there in part because I am capable of blending into a place where I really shouldn’t be able to. I am rooting for France because I like their team. I am rooting for France because England is the Duke University men’s basketball team of this sport, and they must always be stopped.
One generally does not whisper “chaos” at the screen when France is playing. France keeps a tight lid on things. The word “elegant” is often used. It is hard to perceive them as doing anything particularly threatening until it’s too late, which is an energy that I appreciate. And the refs seldom do anything weird with them.
I am rooting against France if they play Morocco, for the sole reason that Morocco beating the nation that colonized them would be really funny. Of course, Morocco themselves do not have a spotless record in this department. But it would still be funny.
Really, you just watch sports to be entertained. You hope that your engagement stays at a baseline of commitment that allows you to remain interested while also avoiding the precipice of religious fervor. You don’t want to dump your entire psyche into an elaborate Monte Carlo simulation that is fully out of your control. You just want chaos.