One of the ways that I am able to cleanly fake being a good home cook is by making everything family-style. I produce some cauldron of delicious slop, throw a spoon in, and let god sort it out. Larger gatherings get more cauldrons. Dietary restrictions yield mini-cauldrons on the side.

All of this breaks down when you throw a party that is themed around a specific chain restaurant that prides itself on turning your order around quickly & easily. Here, the line cooks’ flow states, broadcast for all to see, are the stuff of legend. What could possibly go wrong?