Not the sling text we need, the sling text we deserve

A sling is a carry object with 1 shoulder strap that exists somewhere between a wallet and a messenger bag. You can put it on a shoulder, carry it like a purse, or wear it like a fanny pack. Slings are generally masculinized, what with the black X-Pac vibe and all, but nothing stops any gender from rocking one. Some brands call it a crossbody bag, which is weird but fine.

Two people asked me for sling text, a day apart. They are confused. I am confused. I own two slings. One of them is from a guy that I’ve written text about before. The other is from a local company. They are vastly different, serving different purposes, carrying different objects. And they only touch on a couple parts of a far wider gradient.

Yes, there is a sling that is literally just a wallet. There are slings that double as cell phone cases, which are popular in Europe. Slings are 1L; slings are 10L; slings are built for your camera, or not; slings are built for MOLLE extensibility, or not. Slings are purses the same way that a pita is a taco.

Classifying slings qua slings is useless. Each sling is a genre of one. No sling copies another. Lists of slings are hilarious to me. Go to a carry brand, tap “slings,” pour some scotch, marvel at sheer uncut variability. I do this in my spare time. It’s fun.