Office hours
“Come by whenever,” you say. “We’ll be around 10a–3p.” The semiotics of open hours. You don’t need-need to be there at any given time, but eventually a more common routine happens. “It starts at 10a” turns into “one person comes at 10a, and then everybody else comes at 11a, and if you come after 12:30p you’ve missed it but we love you anyway.” See? Now there’s structure. You come to notice it, feel its contours, and now you know, more specifically, how to move.
There’s a romance to throwing your home open to gen pop. But you can’t just do it once, or make it random. Routine makes it easier for people to show up. You have to do it consistently and make it clear what will happen once people arrive. Make brunch. Serve cocktails or tea. Do it the same way each time. Turn it into a practice, refine it.
Eventually, subtler guidelines develop. What can I bring turns into I should bring dessert. When can I arrive turns into People always arrive at 11a, so I should arrive near 11a.
Alongside guidelines, there are norms. There are certain things that get talked about, and certain things that get avoided, for whatever reason.
Good hosts listen to every level of this process, read the room, reflect it back to everyone. You see what is happening, show people the way. And you keep doing it over and over again.