The problem with knowing a lot of people and being known for good parties is that, when you throw a big one, it is sometimes an overwhelming & terrible experience. My 30th birthday party was legendarily one of these. It’s a round number! I told everyone to bring friends! I brought this upon myself. Over 250 people showed up, and we had to bribe the police to go away twice. At one point, I waited a half-hour to use my own bathroom, at which point I gave up and went in the snow in my backyard.

This sounds like a non-problem – boo hoo, nickd, you’re so popular – so I cannot stress enough how much I universally, unconditionally hated the experience of throwing my 30th birthday party. In fact, I hated it so much that I vowed to never do anything like it again. But I was still going to have birthdays, and I was going to keep liking my birthdays, and I wanted to party on my birthday.