Optimus Prime Day

The first thing to keep in mind is that every time I hear the words Prime Day, my completely normal brain automatically grafts Optimus onto them. I was never into Transformers as a kid, and I have never seen the movies, and yet now here we are. Happy Optimus Prime Day, everybody. We are here, now, in this place, full of deals.

The website is a different color. Calmer. Less yellow. You wonder why it can’t be like that the whole rest of the year.

Prime Day is so big, at this point, that everybody else times their summer sales to it. “Christmas in July,” you see, more than once, and die a little. The sheer force of will that it takes to create a new annual shopping holiday is somewhat brainmelting. Between this and the distended expansion of holiday sales to encompass the entire 3-month period between mid-October and mid-January, we are, of course, moving towards a place where items are only going to be charged full price for eight seconds a year, during a period when most of America is asleep, and if you buy then you are a dumbass.

Amazon is Google for the physical world. Type a word soup into the box, sift the options, pick one. None of it has to be good, it just has to appear on your doorstep in a couple of days. Most of the time it does, and once or twice you have to annoy your neighbors. That’s Amazon!