Rewriting the rules

In 2019, a couple of incidents happened in my local community that prompted me to devise a slapdash code of conduct with several friends. This would come to govern both the stuff I throw at my place and all of the events that I would run with friends.

On the one hand, few notable incidents have happened since. On the other, the group changed quite a bit after the Bad Times® arrived, and many newcomers have wondered why this exists, or wondered if we can update it.

For example:

• The group itself has become more discerning. People are unafraid to take me aside and express concerns. Sometimes minor stuff is surfaced when it doesn’t need to be, but most of the time people’s intuition is going off that someone might end up affecting the group in the long term, and we need to talk through it.
• The list of acceptable behaviors has changed. Our old community guidelines existed to keep harm from happening. It seems like people now want to prescribe norms & vibes more clearly, in addition to stating the obvious.
• The process of repair has concretized. Our previous guidelines were very handwavey about how to call people in, beyond “we’ll call in.” After three years of practice, we know what this looks like.