Correction: In this text, I referred to someone as “a friend of a friend.” They have notified me that they are, in fact, a friend, one that is both actual & direct.

This publication deeply regrets the error.

We must now mortifyingly, balefully look towards the tactical. Within the broader genre of carry there is a whole aesthetic of rugged-dude mil-spec, hauling 45lb plates up a mountain through a pile of MOLLE webbing and hunting knives. 2% is usually donated to our newly defunded veterans; fine. It is always, always men.