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June 2, 2023

What should you ignore in an airport?

Almost everything. Airports are malls for the liminal damned.

There are exceptions, which is why this text is longer than two sentences.

Food

95% of airport food is bad. At good airports, 90% of the food is bad. At bad airports and almost all small airports, 100% of the food is bad.

The sole exceptions are twofold.

First, sometimes a place is run by a local celebrity chef that curated their actual menu into something that can work within the structured confines of an airport. Knives are tied to benches, because security. There are limits to what can be brought in every day. At some airports, everybody has to work with an authorized caterer. Purveyors are often left out.

And second, there is the lounge. Some lounges have good food, usually run by flag carriers at major hubs that have been recently overhauled. Most lounges, including most in the Priority Pass network, do not clear the bar.

Objects

Airport objects are universally low-quality. If you want souvenirs, go to a local spot and pay someone who actually makes things for a living.

Ditto and especially luxury. If you’ve chosen to buy a Montblanc in an airport, you’ve lost the plot. (Heck, if you’ve chosen to buy a Montblanc at all, you’ve lost the plot. Torched! Buy a Sailor!) Airports are good as museums for basic-jerk luxury, the kind of stuff you buy if you consult for Deloitte and want to look the part. Some of this is of quality. Most is not. Context matters deeply.

Tech

You can’t find better or cheaper tech products in an airport that you would find anywhere else. The only exception is SIM cards, which are commonly price-fixed across a whole country.

Massage

Only in Thailand. Trust me on this.

The duty free

This is where you go to blow your cash overage on international trips. Only get stuff from local purveyors if at all possible.

Reading

Go buy a copy of Monocle, I guess.

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