You have a face

A video went viral recently, god help us, because a woman went over to a man’s place and could not believe he has a good skincare routine. He must be cheating on her, the theory went, as she cut from bottle to bottle in abject shock that he would, in fact, exfoliate. This video contains four brands that I own and one exact product that I own, and I am, at press time, both straight & single. Notwithstanding the fact that I haven’t had a woman over to my home in that capacity in almost a year, I have found myself on a mission, and that is to teach men about skincare.

Skincare is easy, especially since the bar is so low. You can get away from this text with the bare essentials in under $100. And lest you think that being a dude disqualifies you somehow, let me remind you that people of all genders & body parts have, fundamentally, the same skin. You are socialized to have garbage skin that ages prematurely.

I am not a model. I don’t even think I’m very hot. My pores are an ongoing revolt that must be quelled, and I’m doing a C+ job of it as of press time. But oh, people notice. A/B a dialed-in skincare routine with a couple of months off and you will see a difference. And if you’re reading text, you’re a nerd who likes to research everything and hyper-optimize stuff for the sake of it. Behold: your new front.

The short answer, of course, is Hyram, who is famously unbullshittable, loving to recommend things independent of price point or cult status. If you need a single brand, go for Paula’s Choice, which spent years blogging about bad ingredients in skincare brands before they made their own and conquered the world.